Hello-my name is Michelle G and I failed the South African Institute of Chartered Accountants (SAICA) board exam 5 times.

Failing the board exam is literally the definition of unqualified in the Oxford dictionary. 

“a person not officially recognized as a practitioner of a particular profession or activity through having satisfied the relevant conditions or requirements.  E.g. “no company would permit an unqualified accountant to audit its books” The Oxford dictionary

Ouch! That hurts.

There was a 6 year period in my life where all I did was study for the board exam, write the board exam, and fail the board exam.  It was a dark time that consumed most of my 20’s.  I was wrought with stress, anxiety, burn-out, depression, and weight gain.

2010 was my final attempt.  It was my best chance as I had never been more prepared.  I remember sitting at my computer in my little living room filled with anticipation and anxiety.

“What if I fail?”

“Could I really pass?”

And then it appeared:    Michelle G-Failed

For a split second, I was consumed by anger at SAICA-a fictional character in my life.  My nemesis.  And as quickly as the anger appeared-hope emerged.   I looked at my husband and said “I can do this again.  I can start studying tomorrow.  I can re-do my honors. It’s only two extra years.*

You see, I could not let go of my addiction.  I mean, if I wasn’t becoming a Chartered Accountant-then who was I?

Shane looked at me for a few minutes in silence.  Impressed by my GRIT or so I thought…

“Just stop.”  He said, with his head in his hands.  “You don’t have to do this.”

And with those words- I was free.

After deciding to take a break from the board exam I traveled around Europe. I learned to play the guitar.  I painted my first portrait.  I hung upside down from a pole.  I danced the waltz with my husband.  I meditated on a mountain above an emerald green rock pool. I lived…

I spent some time enjoying my life and finding out who I was if I wasn’t going to be Michelle G CA(SA) and you know what, I’m pretty cool.

Before we get too “Eat, Pray, Love” about things though, I still had to earn an income.  And that income had to be earned in finance.  It’s what I knew, after all. 

So, what’s it like being in finance without a professional designation?  You know that dream where you are on a stage in front of an audience and killing it.  Then you look down and realise you have no clothes on. That! That’s what it’s like to work in finance without a professional designation.  I was handed a double dose of impostor syndrome and insecurity, with a dash of defensiveness, topped with a sizable chip on my shoulder.

Career progression was slow and painful.  There were doors which were permanently shut and I was often not paid my worth.  I had to work harder and later to prove that I was worthy and belonged.  But that didn’t last forever.  I found impactful roles with diverse teams and progressive leaders.  I took up space and found my voice. I realised that no title or degree could trump passion and purpose.

So reading this you may think, she seems like a bright girl. Why couldn’t she pass this exam?

In practical terms, knowledge wasn’t the issue. It never is in a professional exam.  If you have a degree, honors and the relevant work experience under your belt, you have the knowledge to tackle this.

The key to passing is…EXAM TECHNIQUE. I know, we’ve heard it a million times before.

So what exactly is exam technique?

Well, it has very little to do with an exam at all and more to do with soft skills:

• Communication
• Problem solving
• Working under pressure
• Using the resources at your disposal to put forward a case and solution
• Presentation skills
• Report writing

Once you have real experience with the points above, you can be more confident when tackling a professional exam.

But my “WHY’S” run a bit deeper. There was my debilitating anxiety, but that’s a topic for another day. 

In my case the core issue was, I didn’t believe in myself.  I thought I didn’t know enough and didn’t do enough.  I just thought I wasn’t enough.

I’m often asked if I would do things differently, if I knew then what I know now. The answer is ABSOLUTELY. Firstly, I would have taken a break and practiced self-care. My chance of passing would have been greater had I loved myself a bit more opposed to beating myself up so much. Secondly, I would have quit sooner. I bet you weren’t expecting to hear that. It just would have saved me time, money, heart ache and my sanity.

Through this unique experience of trauma, failure and letting go, I have learnt that, we don’t have to finish everything we start. It’s OK to say “Actually, this isn’t for me” or “I’m taking a break from that.”

Knowing when to quit takes as much GRIT, courage and wisdom as it does to persevere.

_{*side-note:  After 5 attempts at the board exam, you are required to re-do your honors to continue.  This is a 2-year qualification if done part-time.}

^{Please share your story of letting go or perseverance in the comments below or by contacting me directly . I would love to hear from you.}

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