Did I tell you about that time I nailed it?
The date: 7th September 2018
The place: The Fancourt hotel and conferencing venue, George, South Africa
The time: 8:30 am
But before we get there…
In April 2018, I returned to the office after a 6-month baby vacation. Scrolling through my e-mails, I saw that my manager would be speaking at an upcoming analytics conference. I, innocently, dropped her a mail asking if I could attend in support. Her immediate response…
“Of course you can, and you can present on my behalf.”
Heart races, palms sweat, eye-balls bulge…gulp!
Excitement and panic set in.
“Can I do this?”
“Can I NOT do this?”
I finally responded with a reluctant, “I would love too.”
It began with a blank page that turned into a message I believed in. When the message became a rough sketch, I sprang into action reaching out to my network for support, consultation, and advice.
This included;
The BOSS with the Ph.D. who had spoken on many global platforms,
The PASSIONATE analytics consultant,
The SMARTEST guy on my team,
The TRUSTED friend, AND
The SALES FOCUSED husband.
Each adding a unique perspective based on their lens on the world.
To be my best, I left my ego at the door. I wasn’t afraid to ask for help and feedback. I performed numerous dry runs in front of friends, family, and colleagues. Every piece of feedback was thoughtfully incorporated. Resulting in a delicately built puzzle of collective brilliance.
I left nothing to chance in my quest to BE ALL I CAN BE. I was representing one of the largest financial institutions on the continent, after all. I thought to myself, “I may not be the one with the most credentials (not true) or experience (also, not true) but, I would be the MOST PREPARED (true). From a “Do you know who I am” head shot to an “I mean business” bio.
Boy did I battle some demons. That voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough or that I would be laughed off the stage. I had images of delegates shaking their heads thinking, “Who does she think she is?”
There were so many times I felt like quitting. Making an excuse and not attending. Two things kept me going. One, I honour my commitments. Two, there are certain opportunities you just don’t say no too.
With one month to go, things were intense. I was past the point of no return.
I mean, what’s the worse that could happen. REALLY?!
It was MY turn. My 20 minutes on stage. If anyone thought I did not belong, TOUGH! They could give it a go next year.
And then it was time.
I took the stage…
And it was…
MAGIC!
The thought of public speaking ignites feelings of a haunted house on Elm Street on the 31st of October. Many have cited Glossophobia1 as their greatest fear. Even seasoned speakers experience the jitters.
So why does speaking in front of an audience incite a fight or flight response? The most common reasons are the fear of judgement and the omnipresent imposter syndrome.
The fear of judgement comes into play with the assumption we are being critiqued and evaluated by our audience. This is due to the misguided belief that public speaking is a performance. It is in actual fact a two-way conversation and sharing of ideas. In my experience, the audience is very supportive. I re-call colleagues expressing their support and excitement for my session. Those very colleagues sat front and centre, with big smiles and undivided attention. Trust me; nobody wants you to SUCK. That would just be awkward for everyone.
The best way to overcome this fear of judgement is to reframe your mindset and see public speaking as a conversation verse a unique skill that you will be appraised on.
Imposter syndrome runs a bit deeper; it is pervasive and infiltrates every aspect of ones being.
Michelle Obama explains it best.
“You feel like you are in rooms you are not supposed to be in and someone is going to discover that you shouldn’t be there. Particularly for minorities who have been told they are not good enough.
Women feel it because society has told them, they shouldn’t be doing that. So they feel like imposters in their own life, especially if they have achieved success.
I (Michelle Obama) have been at many powerful tables. There are a lot of people who don’t belong there. At every table, I thought it was me, but after a little bit I realised, nope it’s HIM. It’s the guy who’s talking all the time because he’s been told he belongs there.”
You got to love the former first lady!
This leads me to the phenomenon of the “MANEL” or ALL MALE panel. Conferences and events have been plagued by the “manel” for decades and, progress has been slow. The analytics conference that I attended was no exception. Though my panel was ALL FEMALE, there were only 2 other female speakers over 2 days of conferencing.
How challenging is it to compile diverse panels? I mean, I’m surrounded by STRONG, INTELLIGENT, CONFIDENT women every day.
The ladies of STEM2 took a unique approach to dismantling the patriarchy by creating a tumbler3 page where such occurrences were documented, named, and shamed. Bravo! Awareness and acknowledgement is always the first step.
This is what the other Michael Jackson4, global conference speaker on Change had to say on the issue.
“As a veteran of speaking at over 2700 conferences in 46 countries, I must say that the conference platforms and stages of the world do mostly tend to be filled with Males!” (his words, not mine)
“Whether this has a direct bearing on the composition of senior management teams around the planet is debatable. It seems that even professional conference speakers tend to be male!
It honestly has nothing to do with ability but rather availability. It’s a case of stepping up and raising your hand. I’ve seen many female emcees or facilitators step into this role – so there’s an option. To be honest? Just raise your hands and step out consciously and confidently. Everyone will welcome you doing so!”
A prominent CEO had this to say,
“Public speaking is vital to get one’s message out there. We often need divergent perspectives, especially on panel discussions. On finding women to speak, I think conference organisers are not looking hard enough. If you take private Equity, most partners are men. So every conference is dominated by them. We recently appointed a female leader, who went out of her way to include women.”
At the end of the day, there is no denying that women are not adequately represented in many professional forums. Conspiracy theories aside, we need to advocate for ourselves and each other. Don’t wait to be discovered. Unless you are Oprah or Michelle Obama no one’s coming knocking at your door.
Seek out the opportunities you want, it’s easier then you think. Event organisers are actively looking for speakers so, as Michael said, raise your hand. Be active on social media. It will help you be visible and develop your message. Do not take yourself out of contention by being hard to find.
So what’s my advice for nailing public speaking?
Firstly, preparation, preparation, and more preparation. It takes significant effort to appear effortless.
Second, don’t wait to be ready. Just say YES! You don’t have to be deemed an “expert” (whatever that is) to have a well researched and thought out point of view.
Most importantly, SHOW UP.
XXX
Side notes:
- Glossophobia: The smart word for the fear of public speaking.
- STEM: Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics
- The all male panel https://allmalepanels.tumblr.com/
- the other Michael Jackson offers an additional service to overcome executive speaker nerves. “Rather than watching a seasoned professional die a death on-stage, I offer a service where I conversationally interview an executive from a stage set up like an airport lounge. I’ve found that anyone can have a lively and effective conversation in such an environment.”the other MJ
Special thanks to the other Michael Jackson for his knowledgeable contribution to this article http://theothermichaeljackson.com/
Thank you to my “BRAINS TRUST.” You know who you are.
Going Brogues 
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