2019 was my year of NO GOALS.  

I sat at my desk in early January, exhausted at the year ahead. I reflected on what had brought me to this point of burn-out. Not taking a break to recharge. The pressure to reclaim my space after returning from maternity leave. Pushing myself to work by day and build a website and learn to code by night. The added stress of a looming re-structure and uneasiness surrounding a new role in finance after a 4-year hiatus.

There and then, I made a commitment. I would ditch my usual beginning of year ritual of goal setting. 2019 would be my year of NO GOALS. This precipitated a NOT-TO-DO list. A catalogue of commandments to self comprising the subliminal demands I would constantly impose.

ONE. I will not study academically

TWO. I will not do any training courses

THREE. I will not lose weight

FOUR. I will not eat healthily

FIVE. I will not exercise

SIX. I will not start a business

SEVEN. I will not work on a blog or website

EIGHT. I will not save money

NINE. I will not pay off debt

TEN. I will not read other than for pleasure

I stared at my computer screen. A weight had been lifted. Why had I been living on autopilot at lightning speed, in a high-pressure zone, for so long? What were the invisible strings influencing these unrealistic requirements?

1. TOXIC POSITIVITY

Blasphemy!

How dare I imply that we should not always look on the bright side or, that we may not ACHIEVE it, even if we BELIEVE it?

Excuse me, my morning spirulina shot was sour. I overslept and missed my 4 am meditation. The rain sabotaged my usual 10km run and I ran out of almond milk so skipped my breakfast of chia seed and matcha overnight oats. (eye roll)

The psychology group defines toxic positivity as, “The overgeneralisation of a happy, optimistic state that results in denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human experience.” 

My toxic positivity manifests in a relentless can-do/anything-is-possible attitude. It earned me the nick-name Head Girl at the office. Basically, the teacher’s pet all grown up. It wasn’t a compliment. This optimism is rooted in a sincere belief that any problem is solvable, thus, I should be able to solve any problem.

Having a can-do attitude seems like a good trait, right? The dark side is when it is divorced from reality and driven by the fear of failure. The blurry line between vision and delusion is evidenced in the Theranos story. A medical tech start-up founded by Elizabeth Holmes.

Theranos was a Silicon Valley unicorn, valued at $9bn. It was set to revolutionise medical diagnostics and its founder, was crowned the next Steve Jobs. Holmes was relentless in her pursuit, so much so, she ignored the advice of her team and independent experts. She adopted the Silicon Valley slogan of “Move fast and break things.” Not the best approach when it comes to health-care.

Holmes used her vision and compelling story to secure funding while hoping her invention would catch-up. This is common practice in many industries. Things didn’t end well for Theranos. Holmes was accused of deceiving investors and currently facing fraud charges. Did she intend to defraud investors or was she blinded by her delusional optimism?

Another culprit perpetuating this toxicity is the positivity porn spewed by self-ordained gurus and motivational speakers.  You know the ones. The darkened auditorium with bright stage lights, loud music, and smoke machines. The hypnotic hype speech that seeks to rile us up enough to purchase that Unlock your inner billionaire course.

This also manifests in the high quality and well-produced spoken-word-poetry-esk videos with quotes like, “depression is just a feeling.” Shallow self-help promotes the notion that we are completely in control of our own destiny. This is both empowering and a heck of a lot of pressure. The truth is circumstance, luck and timing is something we can’t control. While we CAN do anything, we need to remain pragmatic.

2. The Insecure Overachiever 

WARNING!!! The contents expressed in this segment may be triggering to high-performing professionals. It was for me anyway…

“Why smart people do stupid things?” Professor Laura Empson of CASS Business school has made it her life’s work to study professional organizations and answer this question.

Her findings are outlined in the book Leading Professionals: Power, Politics, and Prima Donnas. She delves into the psyche of the insecure overachiever. An exceptionally capable and fiercely ambitious individual who is driven by a profound belief in their own inadequacy. Deep I know. When this personality type finds themselves in the competitive and driven corporate environment, their insecurities are compounded by the up or out culture.

The findings during my own research into the insecure overachiever resonated deeply. The norm of consistently working ridiculously long hours, a constant fear of failure or letting the work-place down and no achievement being good enough. Always onto the next thing.

Some outcomes challenged my long-held beliefs. Particularly on the “guys” who seem to have it all. Professor Epsom interviewed senior executives from large multi-nationals. They shared the self-doubt and fear that drive unhealthy workaholic tendencies.

Here I thought it was ALL about money and power.

Another shocking revelation was that top corporates seek to hire and create insecure overachievers! You know how we walk around the office pretending not to be phased by the impossible deadlines and complex problems. Shh. Heaven forbid we can’t handle the pressure. The corporate kiss of death is to be labeled “insecure,” so we camouflage ourselves with the armour of false confidence. Corporate gaslighting anyone?

3. Hustle culture, 

Now, I love Gary Vee, as much as the next guy. He seems genuine, kind, and passionate. He believes in his message. He lives it and has reaped the rewards.

For those who don’t know, Gary Vaynerchuk is one of the pioneers of the social media marketing movement. He rose to fame when he started the first e-commerce alcohol store, The Wine Library, where he turned a $3m business into a $60m business. His view of “Live your best life” contradicts Tim Ferris’s 4 hour work week as Gary is of the notion you should work harder, longer, faster to achieve success in this digital age.

His most controversial principle is that of the grind. We need to dedicate everything to financial success. In his words, “You need to…realise that if you put your head down and just work for the next 10 years, no glamour, no new f$&*ing car, suitcase, jewelry, trip, event, no Coachella, no f$&*ing new f$&*ing sneakers.” You get the idea.

OK, so what does this guy have to do with my year of no goals?

You know that niggling feeling that on top of our full-time jobs, family responsibilities, and personal commitments we need to get that business off the ground or, start “something” online?  The elusive, side hustle.

That my friend is the influence of HUSTLE CULTURE and Gary Vee is the father thereof. It’s the relentless pursuit of financial freedom. Doing all the hard stuff, ALL the time. There is no short-cut and no quick win. Give up EVERYTHING for the grind.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave!

So there it is. The culprits that led me to CANCEL goals in 2019. I know what you’re thinking. Is being hardworking, optimistic, and an achiever really a bad thing? Well, NO. Provided that isn’t ALL we are.

It’s OK to take time out. It’s OK to pause, reflect, and celebrate yourself and your accomplishments. It’s necessary to understand your motivations and when they will be satisfied.

So are you ready to replace, “I’ll be happy when…” with “I am grateful for….?”

XXX

_{Were you triggered by the insecure overachiever? Tell me about it in the comments.}

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